It's strange to think that this time last year we had just moved into this house. Cory was pretty discouraged about that fact, but willing to do what the Lord was obviously leading us to do. I was pregnant at the time and having some severe health concerns including anemia that was so bad I was advised to get a blood transfusion. I had also had to quit a medication I was on which caused with drawls. Something I would hate to see anyone I know have to go through. So between lack of sleep and the constant nausea, and all the other things I was terrified for the baby, that she wouldn't make it. I shed a lot of tears and prayed for my unborn many hours of the nights. Kendra and Carter (as kids do) could sense things were wrong. Kendra just became more restless and crazy. She became the wild child times 3. I felt sad and guilty because I just didn't have the energy to deal with her. I was concentrating on trying to eat and trying to get more than 4 hours of sleep at night. I think God knew it was to much for me to deal with myself, and He sent help from my mom, my sisters, and my friends. It was...humbling.
Carter just felt insecure and wanted to sit on my lap all the time (which I couldn't do because I was huge pregnant) so I'd have him sit next to me and we read a lot of stories. But I wanted to hold him so bad. One day we went to the Chiropractor and he picked Carter up and hugged him and swung him around after he was done. He said, "Carter you're getting so big, we won't be able to do this much longer will we." I burst into tears. It was embarrassing.
I was so scared and uncertain at that time, for the baby, myself, taking care of my kids, Having time for Cory, even just having the will to live. It was pretty dark. I remember the over whelming feeling washing over me and feeling like I was drowning. I begged and begged God to help me, and I finally came to a point where I was able to let go, and just give it all to Him. I was able to let the darkness come and embrace it and accept it and trust Him through it. It isn't something I can explain, but it was a turning point for me, and He led me through and never left my side. Now I look back and I am just so amazed. I have a beautiful healthy little daughter, my health is better than it's been in years. Kendra has such a vibrant warm personality and has come to a better knowledge of God and His love. She keeps me on my toes but I love her more than ever. Carter has become quite a personality and he is my snuggly tenderhearted boy but prefers people to recognize him as a "tough". I can hold him all I want now. Cory has just been as steady as a rock through it all and has a new spark these days. I love him so very much. He is truly the other side of me and it takes these difficult times to bring out the fine metal in a man. Yup, he's my tried and true. Even our house, lets just say, I've lived in worse.=) It's also been fun to have a wonderful new sister-in-law and see my other siblings meeting some pretty special people. Over all I think that God has blessed my family and I so greatly. I'm also thankful that when things in this life seem to be beyond what we can bear, there is another life to look forward to with the Lord Jesus Himself. All because of His great love and forgiveness that He has shown to us.