Time Marches On

 Cory’s birthday today. Can it be that we are middle aged?

  Grandpa Red, my last living grandparent passed away one week ago at 96 years. The ending of an era, a generation that I don’t feel ready to say goodbye to. 

 The kids are getting older too. Seems like they have suddenly begun changing a lot, in a short amount of time. Two teens, both taller than me, but Kaely’s still my girl, for a little while. 

 It’s a new phase of life

Watercolor timelapse

 

Sometimes it's easy to make it sound like life is perfect, especially on facebook or in public.. or wherever. But the truth is, no ones life is perfect, and I'm no different. We all have our struggles and darkness, frustrations, fears, worries, etc, that we don't publicly proclaim to the world. That's a good thing probably because it would most likely cause more harm than good. (Of course, those generally ARE the things that are the most interesting. Hearing all about how everything is perfect, can be a little nauseating sometimes.=D) Do you ever read people's posts and feel like, "Wow! She has got it together! Great parent, great kids, gorgeous, everything perfect in life..........infuriating." I laugh about it, but I think I do that myself sometimes and mistakenly paint a public picture of the ideals that I "want" but not necessarily have. =)
 So, I'll get to the point. I have been through some really REALLY hard times. I don't say that to brag or get attention, but I say it in thankfulness. Thankfulness, because when I lost all hope of ever living a normal, or even bearable life, yet, I have come out of that dark place, and thank God, I am blessed with so many good things. To be able to wake up and face the day, to be able to do things, take care of my home and family, to enjoy friendship and fellowship, even just to be able to eat and sleep normally. I feel so privileged to be able to help or just be with my family and friends with their troubles and to know real compassion, because I've been through difficulty myself and I will never forget. Even when hard times come, they can't last forever, and that's one of those promises I hang onto.
 Last thing I wrote about is how much I love diving into hobby farming. Now I feel a little guilty because its not really that realistic. I really do love it, but there are downsides, too. A great flourishing garden means picking ripe produce in the hot sun and bugs (giant yellow spiders), hours and hours of canning, cutting, and freezing veggies. Picking out bugs and worms, washing, and then doing it all over again, and again, etc.... then there's the kids having a knack for getting into the dirtiest smelliest places and tracking it all into the house before I can stop them. Then it's time for major scrubbing and laundry has to be done NOW, because I WILL NOT have a house that smells like a barn. (Today it was their pillows that they smuggled out to the barn to have a pillow fight in the haymow..and then put all the kitties on them... on the floor and wonder why I wouldn't let them put their pillows back in their beds. Wow. Count slowly to ten.) Then there are all the things that they want to bring in the house....rocks, leaves, sticks, nails, mud stew, frogs, and most recently a giant pet spider in a very unsecure looking jar. I was VERY firm about NO spiders in the house, even pet ones. I did feel a little guilty when it rained and the spider drowned from the water the jar collected when I saw Carters devastation. Not guilty enough to let him bring his next pet spider in though. Hah!
 Then there's having to take care of the pigs when Cory's gone, which I hate, because I'm terrified to be in the pen with them. Or having to help inject sick piggy with an antibiotic while Cory tries to hold it. That was NOT fun. Oh and then there's the nasty flue bug we just have been getting over. I got a break from canning for a day. So I could go on and on about the mishaps and situations we get ourselves into, but the moral of the story is...maybe its those not so great things that make me appreciate the good stuff more.... And then I can either laugh about them, or learn from them.

Country Living

  I don't even know where to start... It seems that we have dived into full fledged hobby farming. After living in the city so long it has been a wonderful change ever since we moved to the country, last September. We started out inheriting chickens. Black Australorps. They have been great fun. They are quiet, they don't run away, and they lay wonderful eggs every day. (Once you have farm fresh eggs, there is no going back.) Next, we got kittens. They are great pets, and give us a lot of laughs with the silly things they do. They are also great mousers, and pretty much eliminated our mouse problem. They even take on rats. Fierce kitties. =) After that, we got pigs. Again, hilarious animals. Pigs are not my favorite, but they do make me laugh. They are named, Bacon, Pork chop, Sausage, and Babe. As you may guess, Babe is going to have more babies for us. Last, but not least, we got three beautiful, sleek, Angus Heifers. They have big brown eyes, and are finally starting to let us pet them. They love Cory, and wait at the fence for him. If he doesn't give them immediate attention, they'll start mooing louder and louder till he comes. Funny cows. We all love it here on the farm. The space, the wide fields of green grass, the sunsets and sunrises, the wide open space and fresh air, the big white  barn with the amazing haymow, and the pretty house, filled with big windows. 
  We added a huge garden to our work list this summer, and so the past couple weeks have been very busy ones, freezing and canning vegetables and pickling brussel sprouts and cucumbers. It's good productive work, though and rewarding. Its been good for the kids too, learning about animals, learning responsibility, and helping out with the work. They are enjoying every minute of it, and growing healthier and stronger. 

Greetings, friends and family;
    It’s hard to believe another year is passed. We are still living in a rental on the west  hill of Chippewa Falls, and I have to say that we have really been enjoying this neighborhood. Living right across from a small playground is nice as well. We still plan on building at some point in the future, Lord willing, but some things need to happen first. We have been enjoying some new things in  home schooling. It’s been fun working with the kids in learning about the world; its countries and geography. Kendra is enjoying 3rd grade, except for math. She’s been enjoying reading lots of new books, learning about missionaries, cooking, learning housework, running, art, and many more interests. I wish we had time for more. 8 years old is such a fun age. We like playing Dutch Blitz in the evenings sometimes after the younger kids go to bed.  Kendra loves the personal time and attention. =)
    Carter is learning to read better all the time. He loves learning about space, science, and  especially how things work. motors, machinery, gears, pulleys…etc.. He loves building his own concoctions and we find strange things tied together and odd setups all over the house. Maybe he’ll be a carpenter like his dad, and put houses together, or a car mechanic or something. Carter has been very interested in Bible stories and learning about God as well. We have had lots of good discussions. Sometimes his thoughts amaze me. I love how he thinks everything through so much.
     Kaely is developing much more personality. She loves dresses, and stories and snuggling, snow, pancakes, and doing “school” (toddler games). She also gets her feathers ruffled very easily.  She is going through a major “daddy’s girl” stage. While she’s too young to go “hunting”, like Kendra and Carter, she loves riding with him on errands.
    I’ve been busy with home schooling,  and a side business/hobby of doing custom sketching for people.  I‘ve been enjoying the home school group and a Tuesday morning mom’s group I go to. It’s been so nice to be able to get out and be more involved. I also like planning random field trips with the kids, sometimes with friends. I don’t know who has more fun, the kids or myself.
    Cory built and sold his first spec house this last year. That was a new endeavor that we weren’t sure how it would go, but he enjoyed it and will probably be doing some more of that in the future. He also went elk hunting and got his first elk. That was a pretty cool experience. He’s got some nice antlers to show for it, and even two ivory teeth. We never knew before that elk have two ivory teeth.  That was interesting.
    A lot of our siblings have gotten married and moved away. We miss them a lot, abut it’s been nice to get together with them on the holidays. One thing about living far away, is that you learn to make your time together count. We are also thankful for all our family and friends that live near by. Not something to take for granted.
    We are thankful for all the blessings of God in our lives and for the personal interest he takes in each  of the people He has created. We don’t  know what He will do, looking ahead, but it’s neat to look back and see all the ways He has touched out lives, starting with the sacrifice His some Jesus made for us so that we could  be forgiven our sins and have access to God and life in Him. That is the greatest gift that we enjoy celebrating this time of year.
    Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season,
    ~Cory, Anna, Kendra, Carter, and Kaely

The first child

I want to spend time in this blog talking about each of my kids. When Cory and I were first married, we were advised to wait a year before we had kids. I remember thinking that was a long time to wait. I was working on writing a book, so I didn't have a job at the time. I kept thinking how fun it would be to have a baby to take care of and keep me company and I finally asked Cory what he thought. He thought about it, as he always does when I ask him a question, then he said slowly, "I don't think we need to wait that long."
  "Good," I answered, "because I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."
   We went to the Dr to get it confirmed and for insurance reasons. When he told us I was indeed pregnant, I remember that moment of pure excitement when Cory and I were just looking at each other and grinning and not sure what to say. I think it was on the way home that it sunk in how much our lives would be changed forever. In the next weeks we thought about how much we needed to do to get ready, and I could hardly refrain from buying things from the baby section. I just barely held back because I knew it was early. We thought we should keep it a secret for a while, but once again, we were so excited we just had to tell our parents, and word spread from there. It was such a new thing for me and I was trying to figure out how to cope with being so tired all the time and the morning sickness and all that. I had to force myself to do everything. Even grocery shopping seemed an almost insurmountable task. I remember one day in particular it wasn't quite as bad and I actually had the energy to go shopping with my sisters.
   Shortly after that, I went to my first Dr visit to hear the baby's heart beat. It was the 3 month marker, and I was glad I had been feeling a lot better in the last few days. The nurse gave me a bag full of things for the baby and coupons and magazines. "Courtesy of the hospital", she said with a smile. Then the Dr came in and was all smiley and bubbly.... actually it was a bit much, but I endured it. Finally we got to the exciting part. The heartbeat. All of a sudden the Dr stopped her ceaseless babble and it was dead quiet. I realised I was holding my breath. Finally after what seemed like forever she frowned and said, "some thing's wrong."
  My heart sank so fast I thought I was going to throw up, and I froze unable to think or process what she was saying.
   "Yes, some thing's definitely wrong", she went on, "there isn't any heartbeat."
   I knew what that meant, but I still couldn't speak or move. I was just trying to breathe. She looked me right in the eye and said, "your baby's dead."
   It seemed unbelievably cruel to me that she would say what I knew already but was crying in my mind, ' no, please, no."
   She then asked me if I was OK, and I wanted to slug her. I think i must have nodded my head, but everything from there gets a little fuzzy except this numb feeling.  I remember something about the nurse wanting the bag back, "under the circumstances", and the doctor giving me a slip of paper to give to someone about something. Then she was explaining something about how the baby needed to come out and she was recommending I get what they call an abortion and get it taken out right away.
   All I wanted was to get out of there and I wanted Cory. I just got up and stalked out, right in the middle of her sentence. I think she called after me to see if I was OK, but I'm not sure.
   I somehow got down the elevator with a vague idea of getting to the parking lot, and the next thing I remember is someone grabbing me as I was falling. I saw a very concerned nurse asking what was wrong and what he could help with.. I remembered I was holding a slip of paper and showed it to him. ( anything but telling him what was wrong.) "where should I bring this?" I asked.
   He brought me to some counter where I dropped it off and the next thing I remember is sitting in my car as the initial shock wore off. Then the tears came and I was driving home watching the windshield wipers futilely pushing off the the rain from the windshield and my tears were rolling off my cheeks just about as hard. I got home and the first thing I did was call Cory. I don't remember what I said, but he came right home and as soon as he came to me and put his arms around me, I felt like I could breathe again. It was so good to just have him hold me. He didn't say any stupid things to try and make it better, he just kept his strong comforting arms around me. I could see the pain and worry for me in his eyes and I didn't need any words from him.
   A month later I had the miscarriage. I'd had time to come to terms with it more, and accept that that little life was with the Lord. But I'll admit, I was hoping for a miracle until it actually happened.  Cory buried it under the cherry tree in our woods. We stood there feeling raw and praying, committing the child to the Lord. I felt a quiet in the woods and a peace for the first time.
   We went on a drive after that and took a walk across Cobbin Bridge. It was a beautiful fall evening and the colors of fall reflected from the trees into the river as the sun set and the moon came up and shown in a milky path across the water. I looked up at the stars and felt even more peace that our tiny baby was in a better place and would never have to endure the pain and suffering of this world.
 "we'll see him again," I told Cory.
"Yes", said Cory quietly. A few minutes later as we were walking back across the bridge, hand in hand, he said, "You're doing better aren't you?"
   "Yeah", I said. And for the first time I smiled.
   Three months later, I became pregnant again with Kendra. That will be another story.

My Kids...

We were sitting in the car and Carter said, "Mommy there's a bug on my window!"
 "Ooooooh", I replied, "look at his little legs and up really close you can even see his buggy eyes. Bugs are so interesting!"
  I heard a loud bop, and then Carter said, "Mommy, I scared him away, and it was interesting, it was."
   Yup, he's getting to be more like his Daddy all the time.

The other week Cory was scolding Kaely for getting the remote. She stopped, looked at him, and extended her lower lip and started making hurt indignant noises. Cory told her again to put it down, and she gave him a full faced glare. Then she threw it on the floor. It was very dramatic, but it got even better. She pointed her little chubby finger at Cory and let out a string of angry indignant babbles, shaking her finger the whole time. then she burst into tears. I was laughing so hard I almost had to leave the room, because when Cory tried to comfort her she would turn her head away, quick as a flash and push at him with her little rebellious paw. Maybe it shouldn't have been so funny, but I never saw such a tiny person make her indignant feelings so very obvious without even being able to talk.

  Then there's Kendra, I made cookies Saturday night for Sunday and set them out to cool on the counter overnight. Big mistake! When I got up in the morning they were gone. Having a suspicion, I ventured upstairs to Kendra's room. Then the whole story came out. She had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and discovered the cookies. She brought the entire plate of  about a dozen cookies up to her room feeling benevolent, she woke Carter up. They proceeded to have a tea party at Kendra's little table with all Kendra's little dishes,  and yes, they ate the entire plate of cookies up. I found the remains of their midnight party. Now I had the choice to get mad, and have a consequence for the kids, or.....a memory popped into my mind of some of my own childhood excursions in the dead of night and some midnight snacks my cousins and I partook of....all in all I figured the tummy aches they were suffering from was punishment enough, and I had a serious talk with them about taking what isn't yours and being greedy. Deep down inside though, I think I completely understood what a wonderful adventure it had been to their little minds. I'm glad they had it.